Soon, many of our most famous residents may be gone!

They aren't native. They make a mess and provide no comfort (by means of shade). They do little to remove carbon dioxide from the air and are expensive to maintain. Wow... sounds alarmingly like many of the people who live in this lovely city. Alas: an article here about the slow death of the Southern California palm tree.

LAXative

Thank god I just checked my 8000 pound suitcase. I am usually a pretty light packer... only taking either a bookbag or small duffle bag... but for this little adventure I loaded up a suit case the size of a small home. By the way, I absolutely hate going through those security lines because you have to take off your shoes, put your laptop in one of those gray bins while you walk through the beeping door frame in your socks holding just your ID and a crinkled plane ticket. Then, you have to retrieve all of your stuff while it flies out of the x ray tunnel and put on your shoes as quickly as possible. All while some guy says, "keep moving folks"

So I am sitting here at LAX watching the people sitting around me. On the right, a couple is existing in utter misery... She says, "There must be water in this airport.... I have not seen any fresh fruit". She goes to wipe crumbs off his lap. She says, "Is my cell phone ringing or is that yours?" She gets up to use the restroom. She comes back and says "I think grandpa prays, do you think he prays?" The husband just sits there saying nothing. In front of me, the line for Burger King is a little longer than it should be and there are people in line that should not be breaking their diets. There's a family of eight traveling together to my left. Around me: a few lonely souls as myself sitting around typing on their computers. Maybe they are closing business deals or maybe they are on myspace?

Attack of the L.A. monster

I am sure that all who read this must think, damn this guy is obsessed with A) bashing L.A. and B) complaining about traffic woes. Well, I must say A) congratulations that you are right and B) congratulations you are right. But before I get into my normal rant about trying to get from point A to point B in this failure of human civilazation and society (Southern California), I must say that when the smog lifts in this city it reveals a beautiful setting. When every square inch of the city you live in is paved with concrete, gated with chain link fences, littered with cigarette butts and fast food wrappers, and polluted with oil stains and nasty brown air, it is difficult to find that "inner sanctum/spirituality/higher power/what-ever-you-call-it. I mean seriously, would it be that hard to plant a few more trees?

So back to my point (whew!)... Today from my classroom I could see both the mountains and the ocean and let me tell you, it was so amazing I got a chill (aesthetic experience anyone?). The ocean was sparkly and details of jagged features of the mountains were incredibly in focus. As my eyes traveled from the distance of the ocean to the east, I noticed it was pretty flat (with a few hills here and there) and then BOOM... the huge mountains off to the distance. Maybe this was really an exercise in gaining my bearings in a city that makes no sense. Or maybe it just takes me a few months to notice stuff like this. I mean, for those of you that know me well, know that I like to look at maps... and it was kind of neat to actually see the topography that the cartographers say is there...

So my title of today's blog really has nothing to do with anything I just wrote. Instead, I wanted to share with you information about a frightening monster that attacks randomly at any hour of the night or day. No it is not the Manhattan Beach Yoga Mom... though they are pretty scary. No this monster is much much much scarier. They survive all year round since the weather is perfect for their habitat. I am talking about the cell-phone-talking-[fake]blondies-who-drive-luxury-convertables. Yes, L.A. is overrun with these monsters who sport boobs so firm and so huge (and so fake) that I am even drawn to the power of their cockeyed display. These boobs are topped with a head so blonde and so made up, they make Bozo the clown look like a normal human being. You see, these cell-phone-talking-[fake]blondies-who-drive-luxury-convertables distract you with their near-white hair (with really dark roots) blowing all over. The pho-mane is usually accentuated with a whip of the head or a brush back with the hand, just like in the beer commercials. But then the attack... you pull up next to them while sitting at a traffic light, the volume of their hideous music overwhelms your ear, and they look at you with their bug-eye sunglasses and fat fake lips. This causes much humilation as they apparently are judging your late 90's compact economy car and the dirt that has accumulated on the aformentioned. If you end up in the same parking lot (which always happens to me), they descend from their BMW one long leg at a time, slam the door shut, brush back with the hair with the hand, lean over to grab the rare alligator skin purse, and clomp off in their high heal boots. The chatter that is being transferred to their cell phone slowly fades the way of the doppler effect. Their strong expensive scent does not. This scent causes an onset of a minor headace. Okay, I guess they really don't attack (I hope I did not scare any small children in the telling of this)... I just hope none live under my bed.

I am so annoyed with all of the honking and beeping and firetruck sirens going past my little apartment building that I want to scream! Yes, I know that I have been guilty of using the horn on a frequent basis... but I never lay into it for more than a nanosecond. Just a little reminder beeper. A little tap on the back. For some reason, the drivers at this particular corner where I reside seem to get a little more steamed than usual. There is no left turn arrow like most civilized cities install. Nope... L.A. is survival of the fittest if you are going to pull out into that intersection to make a left turn. I have heard of people going far out of their way to avoid making a left at all costs... (and there are some that have the mysterious power of getting around all of this sprawling mess of Smogville without EVER MAKING A LEFT!) Also, this intersection is devoid of all human life except for the KFC and a Jack in the Box that throw-up their steady flow of fat drivers coming through the drive thru. So maybe when these ticked off people lay into their horns, they don't feel like they are disturbing anyone except for dead chickens and a few ugly weeds.

Speaking of dead chickens, I was thinking the other day as I pressed garlic and chopped onion, looking out my window at the KFC, that people my age really don't cook all that often. I think that one month I spent almost $450 on going out to eat. I actually had someone tell me that going to Chipotle was cheaper than going grocery shopping because you only have to eat one burrito a day which only costs $4.95. Hmmm, not "mmmmm". I am not saying that people in their late 20's NEVER cook or don't know HOW to cook. But it is clear that we are lazy.

And I guess if we are not taking out or dining in, we clearly prefer Easy Mac or frozen pizza. Pull the plastic off, remove from cardboard, and throw it in the oven; or poke holes in the plastic, lift the flap, and throw it in the microwave. I used to live with a guy that ate pizza every night. Well, maybe he went to McDonald's a few days out of the week.

Actually, I figured out that I can cook a really mean meal in about 25 minutes (a FIRM rule) for about $5-7 for about 4 people. Of course it takes a bit of investing in stuff like garlic, olive oil, and other kitchen staples. And you have to plan in advance... so here is a really really good recipe if you like Indian food. It's called Chana Saag Aloo and it is creamy heaven (serve it with rice):
2 tbsp olive oil
2 potatoes, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 onion, diced
4 cloves garlic
*Sautee the above for about 10 minutes or so then add:
2 tbsp curry powder
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper (more for spicy)
1 tsp salt and pepper
*Stir and let the spices cook for about 2 minutes then add:
1 can of coconut milk
1 can of garbonzo beans
1 tomato chopped
*Simmer for about 10 minutes on med. high (cover to make it cook faster), then add:
Half a bag of frozen chopped spinach
More salt if desired
*Cook for about 2 minutes

When I eat this I make love to it. It's better than chemical laced food or take out.