I am sure that all who read this must think, damn this guy is obsessed with A) bashing L.A. and B) complaining about traffic woes. Well, I must say A) congratulations that you are right and B) congratulations you are right. But before I get into my normal rant about trying to get from point A to point B in this failure of human civilazation and society (Southern California), I must say that when the smog lifts in this city it reveals a beautiful setting. When every square inch of the city you live in is paved with concrete, gated with chain link fences, littered with cigarette butts and fast food wrappers, and polluted with oil stains and nasty brown air, it is difficult to find that "inner sanctum/spirituality/higher power/what-ever-you-call-it. I mean seriously, would it be that hard to plant a few more trees?
So back to my point (whew!)... Today from my classroom I could see both the mountains and the ocean and let me tell you, it was so amazing I got a chill (aesthetic experience anyone?). The ocean was sparkly and details of jagged features of the mountains were incredibly in focus. As my eyes traveled from the distance of the ocean to the east, I noticed it was pretty flat (with a few hills here and there) and then BOOM... the huge mountains off to the distance. Maybe this was really an exercise in gaining my bearings in a city that makes no sense. Or maybe it just takes me a few months to notice stuff like this. I mean, for those of you that know me well, know that I like to look at maps... and it was kind of neat to actually see the topography that the cartographers say is there...
So my title of today's blog really has nothing to do with anything I just wrote. Instead, I wanted to share with you information about a frightening monster that attacks randomly at any hour of the night or day. No it is not the Manhattan Beach Yoga Mom... though they are pretty scary. No this monster is much much much scarier. They survive all year round since the weather is perfect for their habitat. I am talking about the cell-phone-talking-[fake]blondies-who-drive-luxury-convertables. Yes, L.A. is overrun with these monsters who sport boobs so firm and so huge (and so fake) that I am even drawn to the power of their cockeyed display. These boobs are topped with a head so blonde and so made up, they make Bozo the clown look like a normal human being. You see, these cell-phone-talking-[fake]blondies-who-drive-luxury-convertables distract you with their near-white hair (with really dark roots) blowing all over. The pho-mane is usually accentuated with a whip of the head or a brush back with the hand, just like in the beer commercials. But then the attack... you pull up next to them while sitting at a traffic light, the volume of their hideous music overwhelms your ear, and they look at you with their bug-eye sunglasses and fat fake lips. This causes much humilation as they apparently are judging your late 90's compact economy car and the dirt that has accumulated on the aformentioned. If you end up in the same parking lot (which always happens to me), they descend from their BMW one long leg at a time, slam the door shut, brush back with the hair with the hand, lean over to grab the rare alligator skin purse, and clomp off in their high heal boots. The chatter that is being transferred to their cell phone slowly fades the way of the doppler effect. Their strong expensive scent does not. This scent causes an onset of a minor headace. Okay, I guess they really don't attack (I hope I did not scare any small children in the telling of this)... I just hope none live under my bed.
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